If
you ask someone to be your penpal on the internet like facebook or some penpalling
sites, do you write first or do you ask the person to write first? I don’t mind writing first if I don’t have
any letters to write, but if I do have some letters to reply, then I prefer the
person who asked first writes first.
OK,
the reason why I’m asking this is because this week, I received 2 messages asking
if I’m interested in being their penpal, and both of them asked me to write the
first letter. It was OK. What I felt
uncomfortable was that both said “I’m so busy, so could you write first? Here is my address.”,
and I was like if you’re so busy and can’t find time to write one letter, why
bother to have one more pal? When I read
their messages, I was about to reply “Sorry! I’m also too busy to write a letter”, but I thought
it was just too mean and rude so just said “Sorry, I’m not looking for a new pal right
now.”
It’s
true. Right now, I’m not actively looking
for a new penpal as I already have many good pals, so unless I feel some “click”
with the person, I don’t take the offer.
I know there’re so many nice people out there that I would definitely want
to correspond with, but I prefer to have good amount of penpals that I can
picture their face when I’m writing to them. And now with this blog, I can get to know
other great penpallers. I’m happy to
have another tool to correspond with nice penpallers like you! :)
Anyway,
I just didn’t really understand why they asked me to be their penpal when they’re
so busy. What would you have done if you
were in my shoe? Do you think you would
give it a try?
フェイスブックやネットのペンパル募集サイトなどを通じて、文通のお誘いメールを出す場合、ファーストレターはどちらが書きますか？私の場合、その時返事をする手紙が手元になければ、私が書くのでも構いませんが、基本的には、お誘いした側がファーストレターを書いてほしいと思っています。
こんなことを言うのは、今週２通のお誘いメールが届き、何れも私にファーストレターを書いてくれというものだったからです。内容はどちらも「こちらは忙しのでファーストレターを書いて下さい」というもの。私としては、手紙一通書けないほど忙しいのに、なぜペンパルを増やそうとするのか？と疑問に思いました。よっぽど「残念。私も忙しくて書けません。」と返事をしようかと思いましたが、さすがに嫌味かと思い普通にペンパルは探していないとお返事しておきました（＾＾；
I think you handled it the right why. It's seriously a waste of time (and money considering the stamp and where you're sending it) to write a letter to someone who is already "busy." If you're busy now, you are more than likely going to be too busy to correspond in a good time frame. I typically only become pen pals with people who seem serious about it (for instance, run a mail blog, or collect postcards, etc). I do understand that people get busy- I was recently busy, but I never jump into a pen palship when I'm busy or too deep into letters. I just kindly decline and say I'm not looking for pen pals at the moment, but will keep them in mind when I do start to look again.
ReplyDeleteThat's what I was also worried about. If they're busy now, they can be busy all the time and stop writing me eventually. Like you said, I do understand that people get busy, and I also get busy every once in a while. But we still have to have some time to write letters to keep penpalling and grow the friendship. :)
DeleteI also find it a weird thing they asked of you. Since they seem to want to start writing with you.
ReplyDeleteIf you are not actively looking for pals and get an offer for someone to write I find it normal the person asking you is writing the first letter.
If you have placed an ad somewhere looking for penpals you can talk it over with the person replying to your ad who will write first.
I have my profile on one of those penpalling site (interpals) as I sometimes use that site to exchange messages with my pals, but on my profile I clearly state "Sorry no new penpals at the moment." So I guess they just didn't read my profile carefuly. :(
DeleteNormally if I ask someone if he/she wants to become my pen pal I write the first letter. Also if I were too busy to write the first letter, I wouldn't want to get a new pen pal to start with. ^^
ReplyDeleteHave a great day ^-^
Yoshi
Same as you. I wouldn't want to get a new pal if I'm too busy because I just won't have time for letters. One time, I got a similar message, and she said she was going on a vacation for few weeks, so she wanted me to write first. I've never thought of looking for a pal right before the vacation, so that was even funny! lol
DeleteHave a nice day!
When I ask someone to be penpals, I generally write first. But when someone asks me to be their penpals, I want them to be first. Just like you said.
ReplyDeleteI don't like it when people contact me to be their penpals and demand that I send the first letter. I think it's rude.
It has happened to me this week too and I didn't mind because I had time and planning to go to the Post Office tomorrow but I don't really like it. Feels like they are "selfish" in a way, you know what I mean? Like they want letters and they might never answer you back.
Hugs (and your letter will go on the mail tomorrow, you don't really have to answer if you don't have time to :P But I wanted to thank you for the lovely envelopes you sent me).
xoxo
Every once in a while, I get messages asking me to write first, and one time this person mentioned the purpose of asking me to write first that was she wanted to know how good my English was...I was like "Can't we just exchange messages here instead?" I thought that was rude! :( Well, people have different opinions, so I don't really care though.
DeleteI will let you know as soon as I get your letter! Thanks a lot!!! :D
xoxo
I think you handled an awkward situation very well - you are right, people are rude.
ReplyDeleteI sometimes receive such messages asking me to write first, and I always felt a bit uncomfortable. I'm glad that I am not the only one to feel in this way. :)
DeleteI also think that you handled the situation right. If I asked someone to be my pen pal, I will definitely write her the first letter and I expect the same (vice versa). I just feel that it's not right if, they are the one who asked me to be their pen pal but asked me to write the first letter... That just not right (in my opinion).
ReplyDeleteSame as you. I know there's no "rule" in penpalling, but I think lots of penpallers share the same/similar idea toward penpalling. And the person who asked first writes firsts seems to be the common idea, but if it comes to the Internet, it might not for some people.
DeleteI would have reacted exactly same way as you. If they don't have time to write a letter, then they shouldn't look for a new pal!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you. I think Internet makes it easier to look for pals and ask them to be their penpals even though they're not seriously looking for a pal. When I started penpalling, there was no Internet (that makes me feel old...lol), so I remember going to the embassy of the country that I wanted to have a pal and ask them to see if they have any magazine or newspaper that they can put my penpal add. Now, it's just so easy; type and send in 1 min. Haha.
DeleteI learnt from other people that if someone asked you to be her penpal that they will write the first letter and if you ask someone to be your penpal you'll write the first letter.
ReplyDeleteI think that's a good rule I think. But it's still difficutl for me to say it on this way so mostly I ask if they don't mind to write the first letter if they ask me. And gladly no one does difficult about it.
I don't like to be penpals with persons who send me a introduction message where they have put their address is. For me it meant that they asked to be penpals with you, but I must write the first letter and than it's for me a no.
Talking about interpals by the way. ;)
I think it's more an excuse about saying that they're busy because they don't want to write the first letter. ;)
I always have the first sentence in my head and from that I'll decide if I will write or not. :)
I can't remember how it started for us, Raph. Did I write first or you did? Anyway, I don't like the message with the address already written on it either because I feel like I have only one choice; yes or no. You know, if I feel some click with the person, but if the address is already there but I'm busy at that moment, what can I say? You know what I mean?
DeleteAnd I think you're right about Interpals. Sending messages there is just too easy!
I can't remember how we start our friendship. But I'm still so glad you became my friend. <3
DeleteI haven't had any worthwhile correspondence from Interpals. I have written (and received) first letters, but the letters have stopped after 2 or 3 more replies. I did not stop writing to them. I was even contacted by penpal collectors (one I remember from my attempt to gain penpals from other sites).
ReplyDeleteSomeone contacted me about penfriendship, but it happened at a time I had no letters to reply to so I sent the first letter.
I could understand asking for someone else to write the first letter perhaps if they have a couple of letters in their pile to reply to first, but that is not ideal....
I actually don't mind writing first letters, but I don't write "profile-type" introductory letters. I write as I mean to continue, and will introduce myself gradually over several letters.
I found nice penpals on Interpals, but at the same time I have received many 1-2 line messages asking me to write first. I prefer to have at least one or two paragraphs even if it's a message because I can't really tell if I will enjoy penpaling with that person or not from such short messages. :(
DeletePlus, I'm horrible with my first letter. lol Because I don't want it to be so "introductory", I try to talk something else and most likely I go off topic several times. :p So I don't think it's a good idea for them to ask me to write first. lol